This is TML

Disclaimer: All the views expressed in this blog are perfectly my own. The views bear no resemblance to any person dead or living although it has been written considering a few close friends of mine in mind. Just read along and enjoy.



PETA:
There are 2 kinds of players.. those who play for the betterment of their game.. and those who play to entertain the galleries.. and then I met the third kind.. Those who play Dota!!

They are are the esoteric lot, hard to decode and equally hard to tame.. They might have their share of issues with languages but they are the Samsons of today's world. They seem to beat even the fanciful and the all powerful in a fight(or they believe so). The world might meet its armageddon, but they have only one solace..
"The world may come to an end fast..
But I will be the one driving at last"

ATIT:
Have you read about Medussa in the greek mythology, If you have n't dont bother you can see it here, the only difference being that the creatures on the head are kind of inanimate, no less scary though..!! The medussa of the mortal world never gave a damn about what others thought about them. They are a part of the clan that can drive you away from a modest distance of a few kilometres by the aroma of their pious sweat formed as a result of penance for days in a stretch and i bet you wont be able to make out if the rigorous penance is still in the undertaking(rigorous for other mortal souls.. he is superhuman Medussa remember). But he is smart.. dont you dare doubt that..!

KUNOL:
Ever encountered a housefly in a dark room that you cant get rid off, and is continuously buzzing around your ear. Its been a tiring day day and you want some peaceful sleep but the fly just wont buzz off.. yoy swear. you curse but to no avail. But hey, guess what, you just discovered that the fly was homossexual. wow.. never heard of a homosexual fly. So you take pity in a poor creature that has a lot to suffer and let the fly buzzzzzz.. Thats about it!!

MADRCHO:
Ok... the conversation is got long and boring.. need something small and sassy. Tan-da-tan. Here we got the coomplete package. With an accent that seems native to Jupiter or something. Actually some people from US with whom he was working on some kinda project thought that they had discovered evidence for some Extra Terrestrial Intelligence when they heard him on the phone. Poor souls, missed their nobel.


G2:
Something's missing.. the X factor, oh.. I got it.. the Mademoiselle.. "Dugh Sumthren ough nion dan"
She is the modern version of the circus clown.. no she is nt lunatic, nor has she been diagnosed with the Down's Syndrome, she just saw a few creatures like the housefly of ours and she has been chronically laughing ever since. We just found out that when watching a movie, a highly emotional scene cut to length could make her go into hysterical laughter with uncontrolled spasms, and a scene that is actually made to tickle a bone sends her into deep depression/coma. Nothing is wrong with her I assure you though.

BALZ:
He is claimed to be the vile and malevolent plunderer who carried four guns with him in his previous birth. This story apparently was verified when he was sedated and forcibly taken for the show "Raaz pichle janam ka" but the show ceased to be telecasted for its overly adult content(apparently the crimes he did in his previous birth). The crowd in his land (lets call it rampur of Sholay) still believes that he carries a gun along with a leather belt and is on the hunt for an assistant and wants to coronate him Samba..!! Almost everyday he is joined by a few cliques of his who go drinking and break into a jig at the song Mehbooba Mehbooba from Sholay, adding credence to the fact that his last birth's story might actually be true.

OK:
Rumour has it that Dalai Lama is looking for a successor and his search has led him to a highly posh apartment called Metro***** where resides our Laughing buddha. Mr. Lama is claimed to have heard the stories of how our chota buddha healed people by his magic mantra "Life is OK". If sources are to be believed, a crazy girl who had just broken up with his boyfriend and was mentally unstable came to our Magic baba,(who unlike other babas rarely removes his clothes.. wonder how he takes bath) healed her even just by quoting his magic mantra. Truly magical is our baba but sources also say that he will have to live a life of celibacy after being entrusted as the Dalai lama leading to some marital discord in his unmarried life. We wish him all the best. After all Life is OK.

G1:
After the advent and cult status of Lady gaga and Justin Beiber , there is a possibility of a complete rockstar emanating from the desi Ranches of R****pur, India. The public claims that she isa vicious dancer, has the singing prowess and off late has enhanced her Guitar skills too(although the guitar sounds better in her hand when held for display). On being questioned, she commented " who said women from India cant become universal rockstars.. Did nt Indira Nooyi become the CEO of Pepsi?" Uhh.. Umm.. we blinked at the comparison.. but whatever. When asked what would she name herself on becoming the much awaited rockstar, pat came the reply 'Baby Bai'. Pretty innovative indeed.

DJ:
Rabri Devi visited the city recently and she was surprised to find the a younger Laloo Yadav here. She ran into her arms when our Dear brother shunned her off telling "Hamri gayya doodh nahi de rahi aur hum Laloo jadav nahi hoon'.

He further showed his ears as proof which surprisingly did not have enough hair(which sources say was a could ve been accomplished only as a result of the hugely popular brand Veet..!!) Mrs. Devi then apologised to our Mr. Eligible Bachelor for her unsolicited Public Display of Affection. She further said that our Mr. Eligible Bachelor truly resembled her Hubby and reminded her of the olden days where they used to sing Rajesh Khanna's songs in Sarson ke khet and refrained from answering what she would do next in the khet. Anyway.. a superb compliment Mr. Bachelor, I would say.

SHANGY:

"What is one thing that you hate the most?" was the question I asked this Dude and his answer left me bewildered to an extent that I could nt ask anything further..
His answer was "balwantrai ke Kutte" Kyunki unhone Sunny Paaji ko bahut sataya hai
Such an ardent fan of Sunny Paaji he is that he has tried emulating the handpump scene from Gadar n number of times and leaving his family without water for days together. "Everyone in my family has tried this", he says "and now just ask anyone to do it and they will do it to perfection.. same to same as sunny paaji did"

He also added the 1/2 of GDP of Punjab is because of sunny paaji and that any film he has done will be watched again and again including Arjun Pandit and Champion. On being invited for a grand show of sunny paaji on a back to back basis, I could not decline for the fear of backlash and the handpump being stabbed in my head. Jai ho sunny paaji.

BHAI:
Heard the story of Inspector Chulbul Pandey from Bihar?? He wanted to tackle the menace of Eve teasing and other forms of female exploitation. The incumbent officer devised an innovative plan. He decided to celebrate everyday as Raksha bandhan and immediately asked any girl he met to tie a rakhi on his manly hand. What he expected was that he would be the source of inspiration donning the mantle of change for the others, much to his dismay he became an example of what not to do in life. It is after this incident that scool kids amended the national pledge saying "All Indians are my brothers and Chulbul Pandey's sisters". Truly a hero gone in vain.

APS:
And then there is the story of the smiling sardar who was the inspiration of the smiley scene in Forrest Gump. His philosophy of life is to be happy come what may. Although his philosophy works at times, at other times its a disaster. Picture the fact when his boss was furious at him for not having completed his work and all that his did was smile. He ended up doing his own and the boss' work. His reason for not doing what his Girl friend wants was also summed up in style.. with a smile. its another fact that she almost dumped him until he resorted to mend his ways.


KURUKSHETAR:
The Hulk starred Edward Norton, but then there is also news that the female version of Hulk is soon to hit the screens. The nominees shortlisted have been a lucky lady who happens to be a friend of mine. Such is the passion to star in the movie that she has practicing how to pose in the movie ever since. Right from practicing that perfect smile to replicating that perfect angle in the shot, she has been doing everything. And exercising too. Much to the chagrin of others, she hogs the limelight by posing for every photo and making sure she is present in every pic. The public love her for being able to make this far but hate her for spoiling every pic. A poor soul sas" She might be a celebrity, but that does give her the right to intrude in every pic, we need our space too". Even the female folks are nt enjoying this too much and prefer to keep her out of the pic, but she just wont oblige.

SSINGH:
there is this friend of mine who is a die hard drunkard. Not literally and not figuratively either. Give him chicken and he ll rape the chicken. Give him booze and he ll rape all others. seemingly true. One who loses all senses to the extent that he answer simple questions like 1+1=1. That is accepted.. but some other things are nt. Anyway cheers to my friend.

AMIT:
Its a bird, Its a plane.. No its spiderman.. well actually, this spiderman's alter ego is a dude named *mitwa.. He is just like spiderman.. He can ride bikes.. and fall off them.. he can ride bikes again and again fall off them.. ride again and fall off again.. phew.. He just does nt seem to get tired. This, to the extent that kids now are having a small toy of karijma and their hero spidey at some distance from the toy(to show that he just fell). On being asked what he thought of the kids.. he replied" these kids are evil.. they derive pleasure from others pains.. leave them in bihar for a month with me.. "aisa maar maarenge na.. ki saas yaad dilaa denge"

Wel.. in any way.. we love you spidey;)

KK

If there is something called cult patriotism, it emanates from one person, our very own friend KK. The fervent patriotism that he exhibits might put even the Thakrey's to shame. It all started after he watched the cult movie Deshdrohi and it has left an indelible mark on the immpressionable mind. Jai maharashtra and Jai Colapur are the only greetings acceptable to him, thereby forcing him to join a company dominated by Maharashtrians. So much is the frenzy that the song ati kya khandala is heard as aati kya Colapur in his laptop. Once a kid who had lost his way asked Mr. KK which way dilli ki gali was and the what happened after was indeed a spectacle. He took a stone from the ground, bludgeoned the kid's finger after he did that to himself and asked the Kid, "Ye Maharashtra ka khoon, Ye Dilli wale ka khoon, Bataa kaunsa mera khoon kaunsa tera khoon".The kid wailed and sad.. "Mujhe Kya pataa" Uhh.. Umm.. Well.. Mr.KK got the question wrong and could only come up with the reply "Can you repeat the question??"

Mantha:
Thank god that Mantha is not born a protestant. You must ve heard about the Seven Deadly Sins, Well, Mantha would be serving the gates of purgatory seven days a week for 365 days for it is only one sin that he commits everyday. 'Gluttony'. So, one deadly sin multiplied n times, where n tends to infinity, bechara calculus.. even that is scared to arrive at an answer. I tried finding out how he manages to remain hungry all the while and pat came the reply ' Did you know about the bovine animals like cows keep stock of food in their stomach and re eat them when actually hungry. See its scientific science has an answer for all.. and people call me adjectives like bakasur, Ghatotkach, Hungry Panda for no reason. After all the world is comin to an end in 2012. So i am being watchful and acting smart.." He further added that he would ve liked to quote chatur Ramalingam from 3 Idiots." End mein main Hansoonga aur tum sab ro oge.. Huhuaaaaaa".. Well.. we do shed tears when we come to think of your offspings Mantha.. Junior Bakaasurs.. lol;)!!



And for the ones i've missed out.. I m tired.. may be I ll continue some other day.. till then i hope u've read and enjoyed;);)

Opened my mailbox at work to find a mail saying we need to come up with something whacky or romantic as a part of Tata Tetley's valentine's day celebrations. The quote had to have the words free, tea, mind and better and this is what i came up with.. I dunno if its gonna fetch me anything.. but then i was happy with it;) Here it goes for you now..


Whenever in doubt,close ur eyes and have a cup of tea
it'll make ur mind wander wild and free
and in case that doesnt make u feel any better
open ur eyes darling, u ll be sure to find me;);)
Hugs, Love and Kisses!!

Disappointment

A random 4 liner which i am very fond of..


The old tooth fairy cast her spell,
Promised the caravan of spices and eternal bliss
I treaded the path to find the elusive first kiss
The disappointment now, I just cant tell, I just cant tell..

The Magic mantra

A man is what he is for the choices he has made... and so is a woman:)
CHOICE... its a word with everlasting consequence. a consequence that determines you, and a consequence which actually has been determined by you..(Think about it) It seems logical that given any situation one decides to make the wisest and most pragmatic choice posible. according to the above inference, everyone should be living his/her dream life which is a utopia of sorts, but this seldom happens rather never. I am writing this because i just flung a random question to my good friend Nitin, asking him what the mantra to a happy life is.. and he replied "thers is no mantra.. its only the choices that u make that decides..." Fair enough i thought, but i still am not convinced.

one might have made the most astute decisions all his life but that might not guarantee a happy life..?? would it.. in fact.. i maintain that the ones who might have made the most foolish choices might be leading the most comfortable and happy life..!! it probably is necessary to goof up at times.. or is it..?? i can recall this one little chap called PRINCE who fell into a long ditch and was stranded there for about 48 hours. the decision to wander and play in the dark might seem stupid but its seemingly funny how he became an overnight celebrity for no reason.. so.. fault of his or blessing in disguise. what i want to emphasise here is that decisions whether smart or dumb might or might not guarantee a happy outcome yet they do come with an expiry date.. the results i mean.

remember Neo in The Matrix who was the chosen one. destiny had bestowed him with good fortune and being the maverick who caused the change, yet most of us are not blessed by such good fortune. that is not a deterrant, it seriously is n't because one might not be the chosen one, but one definitely can choose to be the ONE (wow..!! punchline.. rajini style;)). i am not sure where my monologue is heading but it was just an introspection time and its one thing tha i ve learnt. it is of utmost importance to be happy and if you cant be happy, be a reason for others to be happy... you will realise how beautiful life is actually is;);) dedicated to all those who ve brought a smile to my face.. at one time or the other... its payback time folks;);)

THE MAGIC RING

Unleashing the poet in me..... Here i go...!!


In the good old days of the Judaean empire,
Who were gifted the land of ruby and sapphire,
Ruled a king who was David’s son,
He was none other than King Solomon.
One day the king, overjoyed by victory in a battle,
Summoned his courtiers and asked them to prove their mettle.
He came up with a task made in jest,
And instructed his ministers to start their quest.
“In some corner of this world lies a ring,
That can make a happy man brood and a sad man sing.
It is your duty to find me that ring,
I don’t want an answer ‘there is no such thing’ “.
The enormity of the task and uncertainty of the outcome
Bewildered the courtsmen and created a hum-drum.
They set at once to find the magic ring
That could make a happy man brood and a sad man sing.
Summer went by and then went spring,
But none could find the mystical ring.
A petty courtier who had also gone on the searching spree,
Was planning to give up and he sat under a tree.
He saw a blacksmith who toiled hard for a living,
But his face had a charm as if summer had been spring.
The courtier came to the wretched, yet hopeful man,
Narrated his errand and said “please help if you can”.
The blacksmith went in and brought a ring in his hand,
Etched a few words and called “Ye! Ring of magic land!”
The courtier got the ring and stood speechless,
For he realized that the ring was magical indeed and no less.
He thanked the pious man and was buoyed,
For his ordeal had finished and the king would be overjoyed.
The courtier reached his court and hailed the king with reverence,
And said that his task had been no less than penance.
The king had a look at the ring and was stupefied, Alas!
Were the words etched “This too shall pass!”
The happy king suddenly became quiet,
For what the ring said was right.
All his wisdom and all his wealth,
Would cease one day and come to an end.
The courtier explained the blacksmith’s plight,
Who believed that his wretched life would one day take a flight.
All his suffering was not for ever,
For life moves on and stalls, never!
Truly magical was the ring,
Which made a happy man brood and a sad man sing.
The mystical words for men of every class,
“This too shall pass, This too shall pass!”

The BADILTAA quiz!!

1. He is credited with the translation of one of the most famous tales from the arab homeland, "One thousand and one Nights". Mystery still surrounds the origins of some of the most famous tales. For instance, there are no Arabic manuscripts of Aladdin and Ali baba which pre-date X's translation, leading some scholars to conclude that X invented them himself and the Arabic versions are merely later renderings of his original French. identifu X. Here is his picture..














Ans: Antoinne Galland



2.Dr. Theodore John Kaczynski also known as the X, is an American mathematician and critic who carried out a campaign of bombings from 1978-1995. his name X is actually a alias given to him during his course of investigation... and thats the name that made him infamously famous... what??

Ans: Unabomber

3. Picture representing what??

Ans:Delilah cutting Samson's hair!! (sorry if it was lame..!)

4.The phrase ............... is a principle with broad application that is not intended to be strictly accurate or reliable for every situation.It is often claimed that the term originally referred to a law that limited the maximum thickness of a stick with which it was permissible for a man to beat his wife. what is the phrase??

Ans: Rule of the thumb

5........... ..............(Spanish for "the golden one") is a legend that began with the story of a South American tribal chief who covered himself with gold dust and would dive into a lake of pure mountain water. ........ ...........is applied to a legendary story in which precious stones were found in fabulous abundance along with gold coins. The concept of ......... ............. underwent several transformations, and eventually accounts of the previous myth were also combined with those of the legendary city. The resulting ......... ............. enticed European explorers for two centuries, and was eventually found to be in Colombia. Sir Walter Raleigh, who resumed the search in 1595, described ......... ........... as a city on Lake Parime far up the Orinoco River in Guyana. This city on the lake was marked on English and other maps until its existence was disproved by Alexander von Humboldt during his Latin-America expedition (1799–1804).

Ans: El Dorado

6.X was a young man who set fire to the Temple of Artemis at Ephesus in his quest for fame on about July 20, 356 BC. The temple was constructed of marble and considered the most beautiful of some thirty shrines built by the Greeks to honour their goddess of the hunt, the wild and childbirth. The temple was also one of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World, 425 feet long and supported by columns sixty feet high.
Far from attempting to evade responsibility for his act of arson, X proudly claimed credit in order to immortalise his name in history. In order to dissuade similar-minded fame-seekers, the Ephesean authorities not only executed him but also condemned him to a legacy of obscurity by forbidding mention of his name under the penalty of death. This did not stop X from achieving his goal. Even today in english dictionary, Y(derived from X) means an individual in constant pursuit of fame. who is X?
Ans: Herostratus

7.The story of X's birth is recounted dramatically in Mahābhārata, Book I: Adi Parva, Sambhava Parva. Bharadwaja went with his companions to the Ganges to perform his ablutions. There he beheld a beautiful apsara named Ghritachi who had come to bathe. The sage was overcome by desire, causing him to produce a reproductive fluid. Bharadwaja captured the fluid in a vessel called a X, and X himself sprang from the fluid thus preserved. X would later boast that he had sprung from Bharadwaja without ever having been in a womb. who is X?

Ans: Dronacharya

8.X's embrace of Christianity was unpopular with some of his fans and fellow musiciansShortly before his murder, John Lennon recorded "Serve Yourself" in response to X's "Gotta Serve Somebody". By 1981, while X's Christian faith was obvious, Stephen Holden wrote in the New York Times that "neither age (he's now 40) nor his much-publicized conversion to born-again Christianity has altered his essentially iconoclastic temperament. X has been nominated several times for the Nobel Prize in Literature although he has never won one..!! he has also been voted in TIME's list of 100 most infuential persons of the century apart from being the second most popular musician to have a profound effect on the people.

Ans: Bob Dylan

The Rajdhani blues...!!

Have you ever thought of the traits your life partner must possess... I am sure you must have... one wishes that he or she must be smart, good looking, good sense of humour, intellectual, understanding, a good physique et al... is n't it?? Well yes of course.... but did you ever ponder as to how many characteristics do you yourself actually fulfill?? I did think over it... and came up with an introspection that revealed the unfathomed. I barely fulfill any of the above features or do I??
Hmmm... every time I had a train journey I wished that there was some hot female with her cleopatra like looks, charming smile, a demeanour unparalleled, in short 'the miss congeniality' of my life would happen to meet me finally.... although no such thing happened it set me into thinking as to what would the other females think had I happened to be their co-passenger??


Would i be considered handsome enough?? Would i be passed of as a silly little vouyeur?? or would i be thought of as the 'Greek god' of their dreams?? WOW!! that would be awesome!! but unfortunately good things don't happen to good people right?? But it did happen once!! Yes it did!! Let me begin the brief anecdote that at least left a fond memory in my mind if not a full fledged relation as I required...!! (sad).

I had just finished my school and I was supposed to join my college NIT kurukshetra.... I had barely heard of the place except in myths and fables!! ok... so my dad booked a ticket for me in the royal Rajdhani express... it was indeed royal for me as i had never travelled by AC prior to that. The train was supposed to leave Chennai central early in the morning so I left at about five in the morning. My grandma had passed away just at that time so neither my dad nor my mom was with me.. my uncle took me to the station and I felt depressed as I was leaving my family... and travelling alone for the first time! Since I was alone I was more apprehensive than excited.... anyway i took my seat ... it was side lower and found that there was no one yet on the upper berth. I waited patiently until my uncle bid goodbye and left. As I was standing at the door I saw a girl hugging some guy... I was filled with jealousy as usual... you know how guys are..!! She was pretty actually! must be about 23!! I was 17 then!! I let the incident get out of my mind.. only wishing...."mera number kab aayega??" as the train took off i found that the same girl occupied the upper berth.... holy shit!! Now this was goodluck indeed!!


Since AC was on it was kinda chill. I waited for an opportuunity to strike a conversation but it was misfortune that the lady went directly to her upper seat and put on her covers and bedsheets and went to sleep. I cursed my stars... why the heck did n't she sit down for some time... but it was a long journey and nothing to worry. I sat staring out of my window thinkin about my college, my grandma, my family and this mystery girl..!! "Will I be able to strike a conversation?? will she talk to me freely?? gawd!! dont do this to me" I thought...!! then suddenly there was a thud... the lady's mobile phone fell down.. it had that plastic cover on it so nothing actually happened to it. I lifted the mobile and gave to that lady.. and she said "thanks". oh my god!! what a lovely voice...!! If her voice was so sweet how would she be as a whole... as a person i meant!! lol!! anyway... my cerebrum set into thinking and my thoughts ran wild.... already!!

Hmmm.... it was almost an hour after she got down and sat on the lower berth... now I sniffed my chance and asked if her phone was alright!! well this set the ball rolling and we broke into a genuine conversation!!Iit was nice that we gelled well instantly. I remember her name was Rahu Urbashi and she was an air hostess by profession working for Kingfisher airlines. She was going to Delhi to visit her parents and that her work was demanding and required cnstant travel. She lived in chennai for the last six months I suppose but she said that she didn't like chennai though... the autowallahs and shopkeepers especially..!! My friends say bong chicks are supposed to be hot.... i could n't have agreed more.. lol!

What was surprising then was that she had attended a party at some discotheque and had a few tequilla shots ( i had n't even sniffed booze by then.. duh)... so she had been feeling kinda tipsy she claimed... I asked her she could sleep if she wanted to ... and that it was n't an obligation to talk to me but she declined... and I could nt have been happier. I constantly broke into brief bouts of dreams thinking of her and me... and lovely landscape all around when she told that she had a boy friend. Heartbreak.... god!! Anyway now we broke into a serious banter when she told me about her relationship with her boyfriend, it was an interesting story. According to her alleged boyfriend was in love with another girl who was older to her.... but she considered her to be a bitch who was n't supposed to be with him and that they were supposed to have broken off but she constantly called him and cried and nagged over the phone... she used to advise him to keep away from this female but unfortunately he did n't.... she asked for my advice... but what would i say... I was n't in a relationship as of then!! Then it struck me... " See anyway your guy does n't want you , and I dont have anyone... why don't we hook up?? and that age does n't matter in your case .. after all I resemble Ashton Kutcher and you look a bit like Demi Moore... what say??" duh... I wish I could have said that!! we did n't realise how time flew past.. I swear there is no better time pass than listening to others troubled relationship stories....!! it was night by then and I realised that this was the last few hours we were gonna be together... and that too we were moving off to sleep now... shit!! not that I could have changed it anyway... now there was just one final thing to do.. I wanted to give her a final parting hug... just the way she'd given it to her friend at the station.... god please... i did not want to miss this oportunity...!!

It was morning... the train was due to reach at 10.. we got up and spoke about things here and there... New Delhi was nearing and my time left was drawing to an end... how could i ask her for a hug when we leave?? would she mind it?? finally new delhi arrived and i saw my nanaji waiting at the station... even she found her dad.... a well groomed gentleman kind. It was time and I could n't gather any courage to do what I desired.. instead I even forgot to take her phone no. or any other means of contact...!! Sad!! it was a nice little encounter... which never repeated..!! Every time i board a train I look for the people around me in the chart provided outside your coach but god never wants to help..... if not an air hostess... atleast a model would do god... why are you so unfair... lol!! anyway.... I am on the prowl... who is the next one??

Whats interesting is to think what Rahu must have thought of me...!! I am sure she was n't all that desperate as I was but did I impres her.. not really I guess... otherwise she must have asked for my number or something... or may be she considered me to be too small for her... whatever it is I can never figure it out... but lets hope for the best... what say??