What is Love? (Bollywood Style)

What is Love?

Idea of love is varied. But mostly, the Indian concept of love is very ‘Bollywoodiya’. And I would take the liberty of stating that Bollywood has played with the minds of many an Indian youth, adolescent and adult alike.

As much as one would deny, an average Indian is very influenced by the Indian cinematic experience called Bollywood. The moment you watch a movie, you want to relate the characters to you, your loved ones, and your life. Any blur of similarity seems striking. Parallels are drawn. The central character is considered to be oneself. Ah! How gullible.

So you would argue, why is it wrong? What is the harm if extrapolations are made? Why would it be the cause of dismay? I will tell you why. We still live in a generation where relationships matter. I would again make the gumption of stating that most guys of my generation still yearn for that elusive relationship. In the pursuit of this we consider the little affection shown from a woman to be true love. Silly, but true. We make our own situations. We dream of our own possibilities. We make a life out of the moment. Add Bollywood to this. We base our life on that story of the movie. We think that this is how our life together with this woman would probably turn out to be. We base our desires on the themes shown.

Just as one is busy making life out of this moment, the other person is probably picturing this with someone else in mind. Same story, different people. You play the song. You close your eyes. You are lost in the imagination of which you have an inkling that it is too good to be true. You persist. You don’t stop yourself from imagining. Sweet. Only to realize how miserable this has made you in the end.

We all are built to fail. We all are built to fade. We all are built to die someday. But we persist. Hoping that, you know, one day its going to be worth it. That one day, all the suffering would come out good. Someone said what good can possibly come if you don’t even try. True, makes sense. In the end, all that will remain is the memories. Good or bad, but ones that can be recalled and made stories out of. So thanks Bollywood. You are not that bad after all. You do feed on voyeuristic tendencies of ours. But be good. May be its not such a bad deal after all :)

The loss of Love

So, you’ve never had a girlfriend.

A friend’s friend recently asked me if I was single. To which I said yes. He then proceeded to ask me if I ve never had a girlfriend, which is true. Just as I heard the question, I thought what would be the right thing to say. To satisfy my pride and tell him that I ve never met the right girl, or to blatantly lie or to acknowledge that cupid has never been kind to me.

The question set me thinking as to why we are obsessed with relationships in today’s world. Economics says that where the demand meets the supply, price fixation takes place. In simple terms, a minimum basic requirement to get into a relationship is the price. So when a person considers himself to possess the basic requirements i.e, the price we quote here, he should be sellable on the market. i.e. find a partner. It is when this does not happen that dissatisfaction creeps in. Add to it the hoopla around how one night stands are no big deal, how live-in becoming popular in today’s world and the precious time which seems to pass, establishing the fact that your days are numbered before your days of youth are over. There are three reasons as I see why people want to get into relationships.

Some want love. Find that one person who can make them feel special, feel inflated and satisfy their ego by repeatedly mentioning that you are worth living for.

Others want to fulfill their biological requirements. Maslow says sex is one the most primitive requirements of man and lack of it can do more harm than good. Although humans are capable of satisfying their desires without a partner, yet, the inquisitiveness about the other sex makes people do crazy things far from imagination.

Then there are the third lot. The ones who live for others. Ones who want to boast to others how they have had a satisfying sex life. How they ve slept with people not countable by the number of fingers on their hands. How they are so irresistible that they can have anyone.

It is also possible that people go through all three reasons in different stages of their life. So why would one not be able to get into a relationship despite possessing the threshold ‘price’ here.

There is the hits and misses theory, which says unless you try or keep hitting, there is bleak chance to strike a bull’s eye. So, no attempt to woo someone means no prize.

Then there is also the theory of serendipity. You need to be at the right place at the right time for a prize. You cant get it right with everybody. You just cant have them all.

All said and done, relationships are more a part of the growth process. Just as a child needs to walk in order to run, he needs to have all these varied experiences in order to learn and evolve into a mature human. Yes, you will not get them all, you might not get any, but your learning is going to be true and make you a distinct individual based on your experiences. No wonder not all individuals are the same.

Lets grow and make a fool of ourselves. Aye!

What If?

Philosophy seems to be taking a toll on me. Last class Professor asked us to take up an interesting exercise. We were asked to list down questions that complete 'What if'. He asked us to let our imagination run wild. I tried my hand and here is my list:
What If
1. I knew the real purpose of life?
2. We all got what we wanted?
3. Money did not matter?
4. Religion was not given so much importance in the world?
5. Nuclear bombs were actually used again?
6. We are not alone in this universe?
7. There was no pain?
8. The was indeed god?
9. I possessed all knowledge?
10. Magic was real?
Mind you this is the order of questions on my mind. Kind of a priority list of the first few things that came up. Lets me know what kind of person I am. And what thoughts dominate my mind. Try it. I am sure it will help you.

Man-o-Pause

Ok.. So India is progressing.. We are.. We have people who are openly displaying dissent. There are public parades of Public Display of Affection. May be that is progress. Progress of minds. The liberty to say ‘please mind your own business’. ‘Shut the fuck up’. And that ‘I don’t care’. I am an MBA. I am taught to rely only on metrics to judge a parameter. Not random impressions. Or conclusions.

Hmmm. So why am I writing this. I am writing this to argue whether we are actually progressing. I recently witnessed the session of a moderately popular stand up comedian. And yes he was trying to be funny. And yes he was a guy. And yes, he made fun of how a random guy in India is. Deprived. Unromantic. Horny. Nothing unreal about it. The only reason we laughed was because we resonated with what he said. It seemed like it was our story. And I realized we all love it when we see ourselves, or may be want to see ourselves in the story being told. Be it movies. Be it any other depiction.

I have no issues in poking fun at my own self. But what about the other sex? Have we reached a stage where Indian women can actually make fun of their true selves and not be uncomfortable with it? Are they ready to discuss their fantasies, fears and favors out in the open? The scene that we witnessed today was that all the guys burst out in laughter the moment there was a random innuendo of how sad it was not to get a girl and that how we satisfy ourselves. And its true. But we take pride in it. So it set me wondering why are nt we comfortable with women doing the same. Who is it that prevents it from happening. Are the women themselves insecure? Or is it that the chauvinistic men would not allow this?

As I see there is a transition of generation that happens every 10-15 years. The previous generation looks at the subsequent generation with contempt. There is also only a certain degree of freedom that one shares with the other. Even I did flinch at some of the sexual innuendos wondering “are the senior folks uncomfortable?” But I would probably want progress to be ascertained when both the sexes are free in discussing any random thing under the sun without fear. Humor is to be taken in good stead after all. Although the female side of story still remains a mystery to most Indian men. I am sure that it is still difficult to say how the womenfolk enjoy their humor. How or what they find sexy. How wild are their fantasies. All is a mystery.

It might be that I am writing this because I want the mystery unraveled. I am writing this may be because the hypothesis of progress was taken a length too far. May be, may be not. But it would be great to see that even women are good sport. It would nt be blasphemy for women to actually make fun of themselves. But I doubt this thing will happen. After all some things are better left to imagination. May be.

A what..? Hug??

What is in a hug? I did dare to ask myself. It seemed rather obnoxious to me. Even while I was an adolescent, we were brought up in a paternalistic culture. While respect to elders was of utmost importance, evidence of affection was still not appreciated. It was natural that I never hugged my mother, brother , leave alone my father. I was among the ones who would rather shove off my brother at the slightest hint of depicting an outburst of affection. What was the need? After all, we loved each other and it should have been understood without having to say it.

Unfortunately it did nt. I remember an incident when my mom had complained, rather cried for not giving her enough time, for not telling her the three magical words “I love you” and for not giving her a plain hug when it mattered, while one of our cousins were the ones who made their affection to their mothers known to the society. I dismissed it as a routine pang of emotion of the womenfolk. It seemed silly as to how trivial a thing could impact the relationship as strong as mother-son. I was wrong.

Let me iterate a harsh truth to you all. We live in a world where we can muster sweet nothings over and over again, for hours together and umpteen times a day to our better halves, candy floss or whatever sobriquet you wish to give to the designated person but we can not last a minute of conversation with our dads. I wondered if I was the only one who was out of topics when I spoke to my dad over the phone but soon I realized that most of my generation adults face the same plight.

I have lived 25 precious years of my life. My dad is now 50+. We will live in this world for many more years to come but separated by distance and the imaginary wall of self evident love. I shudder at the fact that when the day of separation arrives, I still would not have gathered the courage to have given him a long and armful of hug and told him how much he matters to me, told him that though we have nt spoken much, I wish to know how his childhood had been, who his first love was and what he wanted to be in life.

Even now I can gather the courage to tell you this only on paper for I fear how you would react, for if you would think that your son was less of man for wanting to give you a hug. But beneath those sunken eyes, behind that silent speech and beyond those deep thoughts, I am sure even you want to give me a hug. And trust me, it helps, it helps ease the pain, it helps transcend the barriers. All it takes is one tight hug dad. One tight hug.

Its for you.

"It pains when u fail.. but it pains worse still when u see ur friend succeed in what you have just failed..!!" A statement that tells the tale of most souls.. many will deny this at the word go.. But then.. just fail for once and see.. U'll realize the stark truth in this particular pithy one liner.

Alright, results were just out, I've shed my share of tears, Now is the time I want to see myself smiling. And all u people out there too.. But then I just realised that there's a lot going on about the world meeting its doom on the 21st December 2012.
Hmmm.. the scientists would be the first to dismiss the theory followed by Businessmen who've invested heavily in projects that will yield its revenues only after the prospective date. Also bickering in line would be the Chinese who want to see themselves being termed the nation with the biggest GDP status before apocalypse occurs. And of course Rakhi Sawant who would nt have found her 'Made for me in heaven' Groom till then.. and even 10 years henceforth.

It seems highly unlikely that the our Thanatos or Yama would mind postponing their visit to humor the likes of our celebrity spinster women.. So lets consider for a moment that the world indeed was coming to an end this December.. I would ask myself if I was ready with my bucket list. (And for those who have nt seen the epic of Morgan freeman, its a list where in you pen down the things you want to do before you die.. and also try accomplishing it)

It might be a taboo for some to think of coming up with this..But think of the impending doom again.. Now you are on track.. OK.. So if the world were to come to and end this December, what is the one place you want to go?? Who is the one person you want to meet?? Is nt there something crazy you'd always wanted to do?? DOnt you want to ask someone if she wanted to spend the rest of her life with you.. however short its gonna be..??

Some want to board an aircraft for once, some want feeling of a family reunion. While some yearn for bitter family feuds to be done with while some for that elusive kiss.. Its a different list for everyone. But imagine if we could try and fulfill most of those this one year..?? Not caring of an outcome for the world is coming to an end anyway..??

Its been a painful life for some and for some its been life amidst the pain. You sure you have a list, and you sure you want to accomplish the unaccomplished. And you've needed a reason.. Now U've got a reason..
U might think what if the world does not really end this year?? Well there lies the beauty.. you've achieved all that you always wanted. Its only after the feeling of being given a second life do you see a give a new outlook to life. I assure you, come what may, the life will be the most beautiful this way.

As a good friend of mine said " Some say life is short, but they fail to understand that its the longest thing they ll ever get to do "

Go.. Live ur life

Sumit:)

Shit I realised..

"People ask the question... what's a RocknRolla? And I tell 'em - it's not about drums, drugs, and hospital drips, oh no. There's more there than that, my friend. We all like a bit of the good life - some the money, some the drugs, others the sex game, the glamour, or the fame. But a RocknRolla, oh, he's different. Why? Because a real RocknRolla wants the whole fucking lot."

Well.. So who wants to be a Rocknrolla, I see hands rising but wait a second, turn to a mirror and bitch slap yourself. U'll get a feel of the bitter truth in front of your eyes.. So, its been 23 years in life
U've got no money, no drugs, forget the sex game..
Glamor's the least fond of you and no prospective fame..

Now.. I would worry a little..
I hear the world is now brimming with oafs who've achieved disgusting heights of greatness for no fault of theirs.. Picture this.. who in the world would've thought that a school going kid with feline characteristics would date a kid that my room mate lusts after, has earned millions which probably would nt equal even the cumulative wealth(Stashed under the ground and in banks) of my known pedigree. Worst of all, he has his songs blaring from the 1500 Watt speakers of college going adults and employed kids who go 'Baby Baby' at the slightest provocation.

And I am here wondering what have I done till date..

Even the once fragile, and now Gabru jawaan Harbhajan Singh constantly mocks humble souls like ours by claiming repeatedly "Its my life.. I have made it large.. Have you??" I cannot jump walls and neither can dance at uninvited parties.. probably that is why I have n't made it large..

On reminding myself of the feats that people have accomplished by the time time they were 23 makes me feel even more miserable. Nadia Comaneci won her Olympic gold when she was 14(Closest I've come is a 2nd place in frog jump). Mark Zuckerberg became a millionaire when he was 22(Although even I have earned Rs.1000 for a very noble cause that cant be discussed in public). Britney Spears got divorced twice before she was 23(and I have only managed to read the profiles of people who've done so..)
And most importantly, Rajnikanth never looks like he has aged beyond 23.. and he never will..

The worst part is I will be turning 30 shortly.. and so will you.. and then there might be the same story to tell.. No progress made in life.. The truth is.. it hurts when a kid calls you by name.. but it hurts even more when he calls you Uncle..more so when its a lacklustre life that you've led. If there's one thing that bothers me.. is when my ugly kids ask me "Dad Tell us something interesting that you've done in life.. and all that I will be able to think of is the episode when I got snubbed in the mall of chennai hoping to hit on random chicks with the self assumed super smart question of "Hey.. Do you know if Naomi Watts is a Black or White", hoping for her to confuse it with Naomi Campbell or not know it at all (What a silly Racist bastard I am..!). But Hell yeah.. It was challenging.. Bet you try something stupid and then laugh..

To sum it up.. its not about having earned loads of money or for living for the fame.. it is only about Experience.. Have you felt what it feels like to run when you should be walking, have you known how it feels to walk in the rain holding hands with the one you love.. have you felt the chill down your spine when you waited long for someone at shit she's right there and you cant speak.. Have you felt the pride in your parents eyes.. Have you felt the warm hug that every tiny force in its grip means it.. Have you felt the pain.. of loss.. of defeat.. Have you actually lived your life.. Have you.. Kudos if you have...!!